A darkly funny illustrated noir where every home repair job hides a secret worth killing to keep buried.
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- Fully illustrated, black-and-white noir comic style throughout
- A genre mashup — hardboiled detective story meets handyman memoir
- Self-published passion project, not a mass-market cash grab
- Illustrated Fiction
- Dark Comedy
- Makes a great gift
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Is this book appropriate for all ages?
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It's written for adult readers — the humor is dark, dry, and irreverent, in the spirit of noir fiction. It's not a children's book despite the illustrated style.
Is this a full novel or a collection of short stories?
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Each chapter follows a different repair job and the secret it uncovers, so it reads like a series of connected noir vignettes — you can enjoy it story by story or straight through.
A Book That Actually Gets a Laugh Out Loud
Handyman by Day, Noir Detective by Page
Every home hides a story — Luke Capasso just happens to be the guy fixing the doorknob when it surfaces.
Measure Twice, Die Once takes the deadpan absurdity of his stand-up and pairs it with fully illustrated noir storytelling, turning ordinary repair jobs into something stranger, darker, and funnier than you'd expect. It's the kind of book you pick up for five minutes and don't put down for an hour.
The Perfect Gift for Anyone With a Toolbox and a Dark Sense of Humor
For Handymen, True Crime Fans, and Anyone Who Loves a Good Dry Joke
Most gifts get set aside after a week. This one gets picked back up, quoted at dinner, and passed along to a friend. Whether it's for a birthday, a "just because," or the person who's impossible to shop for, Measure Twice, Die Once delivers something rare — a book that's genuinely funny, visually distinct, and unlike anything else on their shelf.
- Features:
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Fully illustrated, black-and-white noir comic style
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Written and illustrated entirely by comedian Luke Capasso
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Perfect for fans of true crime, dark comedy & DIY culture
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A standout gift for handymen, contractors & tradespeople
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Self-published — a genuine passion project, not mass-market
What Our Customers Are saying...
"A Great Gift for the Weird Uncle in Your Life"
Got this for my brother-in-law who's obsessed with true crime and also happens to be a contractor. He loved it. Perfect niche gift for anyone who appreciates dark humor.
"Funniest Book I've Read All Year"
Luke's stand-up voice comes through on every page. It's dark, it's absurd, and the illustrations add so much personality to each character. Already lent it to three friends.
"Couldn't Put It Down"
I bought this expecting a quick laugh and ended up reading it in one sitting. The noir narration mixed with actual handyman knowledge is such a weird, perfect combo — I was not expecting to care this much about a toilet repair.
"Not What I Expected — In a Good Way"
I follow Luke for his repair videos and picked this up on a whim. It's genuinely well-written — funnier and weirder than I thought a "handyman noir" could be. The art style totally sells it.
Why Readers Choose Measure Twice,Die Once
Not every "funny book" is actually funny — this one is
Why Readers Choose Measure Twice,Die Once
Not every "funny book" is actually funny — this one is
Our Product
Original
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Others
Knock-off
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Written and illustrated entirely by comedian Luke Capasso
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Fully illustrated, black-and-white noir art style throughout
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Genuinely dark, dry humor — not watered-down for mass appeal
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Self-published passion project with real creative control
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Connected mini-mysteries in every chapter, no filler
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Backed by a real stand-up career — BBC, MTV, TruTV credits
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Money-Back Guarantee
We're so confident in the quality of our product that we offer a satisfaction guarantee. If you're not completely satisfied with your purchase, simply return the item within 30 days for a full refund.
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100% Satisfaction
Fast Shipping
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Money-Back Guarantee
We're so confident in the quality of our product that we offer a satisfaction guarantee. If you're not completely satisfied with your purchase, simply return the item within 30 days for a full refund.
CLAIM NOW
100% Satisfaction
Fast Shipping
Easy Returns
Frequently Asked Questions
Find answers to common questions about our products, shipping, returns, and more.
How do I place an order?
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Simply add the journal to your cart and check out — you'll receive a confirmation email right after your order is placed.
Is the book part of a series, or a standalone story?
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It's a standalone collection of connected noir vignettes — each chapter follows a different repair job and the secret it uncovers, so you can read it cover to cover or dip in and out.
Who is this book written for?
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It's an adult read — dark, dry, irreverent noir humor in the style of Luke's stand-up. It's illustrated, but not intended for kids.
is it a good gift?
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Yes — it's a great pick for fans of dark comedy, true crime, or anyone who works with their hands. The illustrated cover also makes it stand out as a gift.
What payment methods do you accept?
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We accept all major credit cards, PayPal, and other secure checkout options available at checkout.
How long does shipping take?
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Standard shipping typically takes 3-5 business days within the continental US. International shipping times vary by location.
What is your return policy?
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We offer a 30-day return policy. If you're not satisfied with your purchase, you can return it within 30 days for a full refund or exchange.
Is the book part of a series, or a standalone story?
+
It's a standalone collection of connected noir vignettes — each chapter follows a different repair job and the secret it uncovers, so you can read it cover to cover or dip in and out.
is it a good gift?
+
Yes — it's a great pick for fans of dark comedy, true crime, or anyone who works with their hands. The illustrated cover also makes it stand out as a gift.
How long does shipping take?
+
Standard shipping typically takes 3-5 business days within the continental US. International shipping times vary by location.